Finding and Writing About Female Ancestors

Transcript:

Heather (Host): Hi everyone, and welcome to The Family Treehouse, a podcast series brought to you by Storied, where I chat with people that have a passion for genealogy, storytelling, or both. I am your host, Heather Haunert, and I am so excited today to have a guest all the way from the UK.

Our guest is Natalie Pithers, and she is from Genealogy Stories, based—again—out of the UK. I can’t say enough good things about this woman. When I found her Facebook page and then her website over a year ago, she was just an amazing force in our field. So welcome, Natalie.

Natalie (Guest): Oh, thank you. I hope I live up to expectations—what an introduction!

Heather: We’re just excited to have you here today—super excited. So, Natalie, let’s start by… why don’t you tell us how you got your start in family history and storytelling in general?

Natalie: Okay. Well, family history goes back quite a way for me. I started tracing my family history around about 20 years ago, when I was 18. I was really lucky—my mom had delved into our family history a little bit, but way before the days of the internet.

She kind of dabbled and got stuck, because she couldn’t get hold of things, so she had done a little bit. And also, my great-grandma—in fact, three of my great-grandparents—didn’t die until I was about 11, so I knew three of them, which is really, really lucky.

One in particular—my mom’s Nan—used to tell these amazing stories. But they were just really cryptic. She’d say things like, “Oh, you know, so-and-so died whilst falling off the running board of a car whilst escorting a lady to water.”

They were always full of these little nuggets. So I had those snippets of stories and this blue folder my mom had, with some family history details.

When I was about 18, I think it was the 1901 census that came online, and that was it—Mom and I bought a book, and we just did it together. That was kind of my first foray.

Then I went off to university and studied English literature, and I really quickly became mostly fascinated with 19th-century literature. I think the two just kind of went hand in hand, and… yeah, it’s been a lifelong obsession ever since.

Heather: I understand that totally. I used to teach high school English, and English literature was my favorite. I know my kids always gave me a hard time, but I loved it. I get that.

So, why do you think storytelling is such an important part of family history? Why is that component needed?

Natalie: I think storytelling is what makes us human—it’s what connects us as human beings. When you’ve been through something sad—or even something happy, like… I don’t know, say you were bereaved—you don’t go to somebody and tell them statistics, do you?

You don’t say, “Actually, my husband died at 5:00 on such-and-such date, and we buried him here.” You don’t tell it like that. You say, “This awful thing has happened to me, and I feel this…” and you naturally tell a story.

So I think it’s logical that how we connect with the past, and how we connect people in the past, would follow the same logic—it has to be told in the format of a story. If you just list facts, you lose people. And people don’t live their lives as a list of facts—they’re complex individuals, and storytelling allows for that complexity.

Heather: Yeah, that was a great analogy. Love that.

How do you go about writing a story when you’ve got, in your head, a certain ancestor you want to write about? What process do you go through?

Natalie: Oh gosh—well, everybody’s different, and there’s no one process that fits all. Some people want to dive straight in, and I’m a bit like that. I just start writing, then play around and put it in order.

For some people, it works to plot it out. But what I’d say is—really consider your audience. And by that, I don’t just mean who’s reading it, but what you want them to think and feel.

If they could only go away with one thing—knowing or understanding one thing—what would that be? Put that at the heart of your story, and everything else can build around it.

Heather: This wasn’t one of the questions, but I’m curious—do you usually write shorter stories or longer ones? At Storied, one thing people get stuck on is feeling like they have to write gigantic novels.

Natalie: It probably varies, but basically blog length. I’ve got some stories I’ve split into three or four blog posts that feed into each other.

I actually think writing a book is a fantastic goal if it works for you, but there’s real joy in writing shorter blog posts—partly because it’s fantastic cousin bait, but also because we’re always learning. Writing shorter allows you to add details as you find them, instead of being held back by waiting for all the research to be done.

Heather: Yes, and I think that’s why so many never start—they’re daunted by the idea of writing a biography-length work.

Natalie: Exactly. If you’ve never written something that long, start with short articles—you can always collate them later into a longer work.

Heather: Do you recommend any resources or tools for someone just starting to research and write their family stories?

Natalie: I don’t know about specific tools, but one thing that’s been invaluable for me is using newspapers—not just for facts, but to get a feel for the world my ancestors lived in.

You can find out what the weather was like, what people were gossiping about, where the local pub was—all those little nuggets. Even if you can’t get newspapers, old historic texts in Google Books or the Internet Archive can give you similar insights.

Heather: Whenever I get into newspapers, I get lost for hours.

Natalie: Oh, I have a whole article about what I call Rabbit Hole Tethers. They let you go down the rabbit hole but keep you anchored—things like bookmarking before you close your browser, or using a note-taking tool like Notion to clip and store what you find. That way, you don’t lose your discoveries.

Heather: I’m going to link that blog post in our video description—Rabbit Hole Tethers, I love it.

Here’s a question people often feel strongly about: how do you balance accuracy in your stories versus telling a compelling narrative?

Natalie: That’s a tough one, and everyone’s different. Being extremely factual can hold you back, but I’d say—it’s your family history, you can do what you like with it. If you want to turn it into a choose-your-own-adventure or a comic, go for it.

When adding details, I think about what I can know from experience. If I’m writing about a maid, I may not know the exact chores she did, but I do know what scrubbing a floor feels like. I can add sensory information to bring it to life without inventing untrue facts.

Historians interpret evidence all the time. Genealogists can too—we just need to be thoughtful about it.

Heather: Great advice. I love that. Can you share a favorite family story?

Natalie: One of my favorites is about my great-great-great-grandfather on my Pithers side. He was a military man, started as a private from a poor background, and worked his way up to sergeant—partly by catching a deserter.

I often wonder how he felt when his daughter eloped with a military man… who deserted to marry her! They went on to have 15 children in a very poor part of London, but she stayed connected to her family. I’d love to know how that first dinner table conversation went.

Heather: That’s a great one. Speaking of ancestors, tell us about your Reclaimed Jane challenge.

Natalie: Jane is probably one of my favorite ancestors, even though I know so little about her. The family story was that we had royal blood—something about the King of France and a maid.

In my research, I found an illegitimate baby with the unusual surname “de Crespigny” as a middle name. Jane Lovegrove, a maid in the household of Reverend Heaton de Crespigny, had this child. I can’t prove he was the father, but the evidence is suggestive.

What fascinates me is that even though Jane had almost no voice in her time—couldn’t vote, risked the workhouse if she left service without a reference—her story was remembered. That name passed down for generations, and every cousin I’ve contacted knows some version of it.

Heather: That’s amazing—that so many versions survived across all those years.

Natalie: Yes, and it shows how powerful oral family history can be, even when the records are scarce.

Heather: I love that. And I love that your challenge encourages others to explore those hidden women in their trees.

Natalie: Exactly. Even if all you know is “wife of so-and-so, buried in such-and-such place,” you can still tell a story—by exploring the history of their time, imagining their surroundings, and acknowledging their existence. That way, they’re not lost.

Heather: That’s beautifully said. To wrap up—any final tips for our listeners?

Natalie: Just write. It doesn’t matter if it’s rough or if you delete most of it later—start. Take a fact, like “baptized in 1820,” and add sensory details: how cold was the water, what did the church smell like, how did the pew feel. That alone will start to bring it to life.

Heather: Definitely. Natalie, thank you for your expertise and passion. I’m honored you spent time with me today.

Natalie: Thank you. [laughs]

Heather: Until next time, friends—embrace the power of your family’s untold tales and embark on a journey of discovery. Let the ink flow and the words dance as you weave together the threads of your ancestors’ lives. Start writing your family stories today, and let their voices echo through the generations to come at storied.com.

And that brings us to the end of this episode of The Family Treehouse, where we celebrate the power of storytelling and preserving our family legacies. Storied is more than just a platform for sharing stories—dive into those historical records and newspapers, discover the hidden gems that bring your ancestors to life, and add branches to your family tree, connecting the dots between generations.

Thank you for joining us on this storytelling journey. Your stories matter, and through story, they have the power to resonate across time and touch the hearts of generations to come. Keep uncovering your family’s history, and keep the spirit of storytelling alive with Storied.